When you feel disconnected from your partner, you might not feel connected to your sex life. You might find yourself unsure about how to make your sex life better. Or, you might feel like you’re the only one struggling with this. However, the reality is that many couples struggle with this all the time. Even though you might not feel like you’re making progress in your sex life, you do need to keep working at it. If you understand the causes of your disconnection, you can take steps to improve the quality of your sexual intimacy.
To understand the cause of your disconnection, you need to understand the anatomy of a normal sex life. Your sex life is a system that includes your entire body, your mind, and your romantic relationship. Therefore, it’s not just about the physical acts of sex or what you’re thinking when you’re having sex. It’s a holistic system. So, let’s take a look at what’s going on in the parts of your sex life that are disconnected.
What’s Causing the Disconnection?
If you’re in a new relationship, you may be feeling disconnected because you and your partner are learning about one another and your relationship together, while also going through lots of new and exciting changes. You may be feeling disconnected because you’re in the process of finding a career you love and that you can stay with for a long time. Maybe you’re in the early stages of a career change, or you just realized you want to freelance and your job has no room for you to do that. Maybe you’re at a place in your life where you feel like you should be able to date and have sex again, but you’re not yet familiar with how to go about it. It can be a good idea to look for intimacy contents to heighten up the urge. Try watching blacked porn together.
How Can You Deal With It?
First, set boundaries. Boundaries are what prevent people from emotionally or physically invading your space, and can be expressed via “no” or a clear, “I need space”. You don’t have to give everyone who says or does something you don’t want a reason, but you do have to protect yourself from others’ behavior. You can also set boundaries with your own thoughts. When you’re feeling disconnected and someone’s trying to talk you into having sex, you can say something like, “I don’t feel like having sex right now.” Or you can stop thinking thoughts that make you want to have sex. The more you set limits, the less other people will try to push you into doing things you don’t want to do.
How to Practice Feeling Sexual Again
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- Practice making your own physical and emotional needs a priority. You’re in a relationship, not a Skinner box.
- You can try something new such as portable blowjob to lift your mood up.
- Practice opening your heart to sexual desire. People can’t make you feel sexual desire if you don’t feel it. Be there for yourself.
- Identify your triggers for craving sexual intimacy. What are the thoughts, images or situations that make you want to get in touch with your sexual desire?
- Practice masturbation. There’s a reason people in long-term relationships are told to masturbate – it helps you get in touch with what feels good for you and trains you to want to do it on demand.
- Take time for alone time. You don’t have to be with other people at all times. You can take time for yourself.
Tips for Better Sexual intimacy When You Feel Disconnected
- Take care of your body. When you’re not in the mood, it’s easy to skip meals and get in a bad place mentally and emotionally (even if you’re in a relationship, you still need to eat!). Give yourself the time and love that you need to feel like yourself again, and don’t let your body feel neglected.
- Let your partner know what you need. Sometimes, you need clear boundaries that no one will understand – you want someone’s touch, and they want to cuddle! But you need distance, and vice versa. Let your partner know what you need and what you don’t need, so that they don’t accidentally push you into doing things you don’t want to do.
- Be clear what you want. If you’re not sure what your partner wants to do, it’s easier to be clear about what you want.
- Communicate about sex, not just with your partner, but with yourself, too. Sometimes, you think you’re communicating with yourself when you’re only communicating with your partner. You might be thinking, “I know I want to do it, but I don’t know how to ask for it!”
- Do what you want when you want it, not when you’re in the mood. Your brain doesn’t work like your stomach. If you want to do something when you’re not in the mood, but your partner doesn’t, then do it!
- Be willing to take time for yourself. You can’t do everything, and you can’t do everything in a bad mood or when you feel like you need to rush.
- Make the time for your intimacy. Sometimes, people feel like they have to choose between spending time with their partners and spending time with themselves. But they don’t have to!
Relationships are hard. They challenge you, they make you feel things you’ve never felt before, and they can make you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing or how to do it better. While relationships can be exciting and fun, they can also feel intense and even scary. Sometimes, these feelings can leave you feeling disconnected from your partner. Couples who are experiencing sexual intimacy difficulties may feel frustrated, confused, or insecure. You may even feel afraid and think that something is wrong with you or your relationship.
Sexual intimacy difficulties aren’t a sign that something is wrong with your relationship or that you should try harder to fix it. Instead, these difficulties are a sign that you and your partner are having a hard time achieving sexual intimacy and that you need to work harder to reconnect. The best way to reconnect with your partner is to connect with yourself. By taking care of your physical and emotional needs, opening your heart to sexual desire, and identifying your sexual triggers, you can reconnect with the confident, independent person that you are.